Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
