If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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