I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
