I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
