I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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