I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
