we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Send us your Text From Last Night!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it was like eating out sand paper
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
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