Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
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