THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
