I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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