Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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