It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
