sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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