Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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