I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
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