Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
