Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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