If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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