this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
the raccoons are back...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
