Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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