pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish they made helmets for livers.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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