I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Someone came in the potted fern
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
