I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
