This girl is more easily done than said...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
