One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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