She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
