Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Randomize
