Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
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