I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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