O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
