According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
