a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
