i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
