things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
