The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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