dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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