So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
