May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
