A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
