I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There was a lot of him and a little penis
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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