that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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