i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
