Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
