I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
