You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I had to cum in my sink.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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