i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
