Do you still have your period?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Your tits are I can't wait for
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
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