he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
