you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Shame - the story of my life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
