I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
