Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
