3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
