i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
