Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
