I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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