Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
