i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
