wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
