a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
