You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
