Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
