shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
its liver damage thursday
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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