he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
