...so i touched it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
