"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
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