i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
