I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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