Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
