The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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